


and you opiate this hazy head of mine.

by ssbullshit



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Up, WIP, larry stylinson - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4320813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssbullshit/pseuds/ssbullshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But it's nothing compared to seven years of sneaking around in his old Mercedes and crying in the backseat when his back arched and his nails ran down the back of the boy he loved so much. Loves.He cried because he knew that the next morning his boy wouldn't even talk to him. Would pretend he wasn't crying a little too.Harry doesn't understand. Doesn't understand why he should write a book for him, when a book is written on pieces of his skin with the most permanent ink. Knows that his boy is in New York with his own book on his skin and a shattered mind."(Or Louis and Harry met when Harry was 16 and Louis was 18.but when Louis turned 25 he left Harry and went to New York. He ends up in front of Harry's flat two years later without bruises caused by his father, like when he was in high school.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and you opiate this hazy head of mine.

Harry's tired. 

Too tired to even pick up the pen. 

It's the first page of the journal. His mum thinks he's depressed so she offered to pay for the appointments to the therapist, because even though he's 25 he still can't afford anything except rent for his shitty flat he shares with Niall.But that's not the reason he doesn't want to go to the therapist.

See, he knows what the problem is. 

Knows why he's struggling to eat and why he only sleeps an hour or two at night. He knows why he can't write anymore, so he finds it quite ironic that the therapist told him to write a book and dedicate it to someone.Harry dedicates the book to himself.He knows who everyone wants him to dedicate it to. 

Knows they want him to get over it after 2 years, but two years is nothing compared to seven years of sneaking around in his old Mercedes and crying in the backseat when his back arched and his nails ran down the back of the boy he loved so much.

Loves.

He cried because he knew that the next morning his boy wouldn't even talk to him. Would pretend he wasn't crying a little too.

Harry doesn't understand.

Doesn't understand why he should write a book for him, when a book is written on pieces of his skin with the most permanent ink. Knows that his boy is in New York with his own book on his skin and a shattered mind.A shattered piece of art, because he always used to imagine everything would be perfect for them, even when he showed up at school with blue bruises on his arms and sunglasses on in the middle of winter. But Harry remembers that beautiful mind whispering secrets into every part of his body.

Harry swallows and he blinks. It hits him everyday. The same way a star would meet the earth. Beautiful and terrifying and blinding.He dedicates the book to himself just to show them that he can forget. Or pretend to forget. Because what they had is his. It's theirs. And even though he hasn't seen him in almost two years, that's okay.Because Harry remembers. He remembers it all. 

Remembers soft music, The Raconteurs, playing in the basement, his head on his boy's shoulder, gentle fingers on his waist.And suddenly Harry can't breathe and he can't see. And then he hears loud sobs and feels pain and like something is clenching around his heart. Almost doesn't feel soft arms around his shoulders, just feels himself shake, the familiar nausea and he's crying. Screaming almost.

"Harry, please Haz. Calm down."Niall's there. Because of course he is. And the thing is Niall tries to understand. But he looks at harry with pity and that's the last thing Harry wants. It doesn't mean a fucking thing coming from them. He wants it to come from him.

***

He pretends to sleep until Niall gets up and walks back to his own room, but harry lies awake until 4 am and then he showers, puts on some jeans and a coat and walks down the street to the bakery. 

It's still dark outside and the shop isn't open yet, but Harry slides down the wall and sits down in front of the glass doors. Angie's going to be here in 2 hours. His head hurts, probably from the blackout last night. 

Harry feels bad for Niall sometimes. Doesn't understand how Niall sticks around when Harry rarely goes out and when he does, it's forced and he pushes everyone away, misses sure but gentle hands and drunken laughs in a room only lighted up by dim fairy lights.But he knows Niall misses him too. The same way he misses Zayn. The only person who sees them both anymore is Liam, because he makes an effort to see them when he goes to New York.Harry never wants to go there. 

Harry feels a light tap on his shoulder and he opens his eyes, squinting against the sun.

"Harry, love, how long have you been here?" Angie. He stands up, giving her a hug, breathing in the strong smell of her fruity perfume."You okay?" She asks and Harry pulls back, giving a quick, tight smile and he nods.

"M'okay." He says and they walk into the bakery. 

He's known Angie since he was 15 and she owned the bakery. Actually met her through...He needs to stop thinking about him. But he can't help it. Can't help thinking about the way his eyes lit up when he showed Harry the red leather couches. The same couches faded now, but almost in a beautiful way. The way he only held Harry's hand when they were in the back in the kitchen and the way he smiled when he introduced Harry to Angie.

"So this is the boy you've been telling me about?" She had asked and he had smiled, kissed Harry's knuckles.

"He's pretty, isn't he? But look out Angie. He's a professional thief this one. Might steal your heart and make you like him more than you like me."

"Harry?" Harry blinks and sees Angie looking at him with a soft smile.

"I'm sorry, I was daydreaming. What can I help you with?"

"Well, my dear. It's actually your day off. Why don't you go make us both a cup of tea and then you go sit at the booth in the corner and I'll bring you some breakfast."

Harry shakes his head. "I'll make tea, but I want to help. Need to get my mind off some things."

She doesn't argue. She knows it's useless to argue with Harry."How's it going at work?"Harry smiles at that. Always smiles when someone mentions his job.

"It's going great. Not better than my job at the bakery," Angie laughs at that and Harry can't help but smile. "But it's good. I love working with all kinds of people every day. Being a social worker can get hard but I love helping people."Angie smiles and Harry prepares two cups of tea for them. 

"I'm so proud of you Harry. So proud of you and-"

"Thank you." He says quickly and Angie frowns."Harry. Am I not even allowed to say his name?" Harry closes his eyes. 

"Not in front of me, please."

"Haz-"

"I feel like every part of me is breaking, every day a bit more. It's not getting better." He hates the way his voice breaks. "I hate he fact that I can't move on and that maybe he is okay and happy. I'm so selfish."Harry can taste salt as the tears fall down his cheeks continuously.

When Harry was in uni, his one professor used to tell him that when you experience a lot of pain for a long period of time, you go numb.Harry should go tell him he was wrong. He's not numb. The pain is at it's worst right now. 

Harry saw him the last time when he was already a successful real estate agent and Harry just graduated from the University of London. He misses the family that almost became his own family so much. Even though they thought Harry and him were only friends, he was there every day. Two years ago he didn't just lose him, he lost his second family.Which is weird, because Harry's still in London, only a short drive from Doncaster, he can go see them any time he wants, but their son is halfway around the world in New York and Harry's pretty sure two years ago was the last time they saw him too.

There's arms around him, but it's not the arms he wants."It's okay." Angie says but she's crying too. She misses him too. Because when the boy meets someone it's like he's a hurricane. Beautiful and wild. You know he's going to destroy you but you can't help staring, admiring.Harry feels privileged that he could've experienced that hurricane, just wish the hurricane took him with, wish the hurricane didn't just throw him in the dirt along the way. A new wave of tears washes over him at the thought that the hurricane might have picked up someone new.

***  
"Let's go out, Harry." Niall says and Harry shakes his head.

"'M actually a bit tired." 

"Let me rephrase then. We're going out Harry. Please, mate. You can't just sit in the house forever. Come on. I'll pick out your clothes." An hour later Harry is wearing his tightest pair of black skinny jeans with a Calvin Kleins jumper and boots, his hair pulled back by a scarf. They're standing in front of a club and Harry could already hear the music coming from the club when they were a block away. Niall turns to him.

"Try to have fun, Haz. You deserve it."And not for the first time Harry wants to scream at the top of his lungs. "You don't know what I deserve! You don't know what I want!" He's heard those words before."I love you, H. But you deserve better."Harry smiles at Niall. "I'll try." He says, but his voice is weak.

He clears his throat before following Niall into the club.There's bodies grinding Into each other and the club smells like alcohol and cheap cologne. The music isn't really Harry's cup of tea, but he closes his eyes and breathes in the music anyway, he's used to be deafened by quiet, might as well try noise for a change.Before he even realises it, Niall is gone and Harry can see him leading a girl with red hair into the crowd of dancing bodies.He can't help it. The crowd makes him think of leads. The music was better at the festival but it had the same smell. He remembers music and getting high on the stars and the heat. Cheap beer that started tasting good for an eighteen year old harry after the fourth one. They met some great people but Harry remembers small hands on his collarbones. Chapped lips on his, the taste of vodka and nicotine and love. Always love with him. He remembers a small, cramped tent and intertwined limbs."Oh, it's what you do to meOh, it's what you do to me" he sang along softly to Harry and Harry kissed his jaw, smiling. He was happy.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Harry turns his head to see a tall man with shaggy blonde hair. Harry can't think of words to say. Wants to stand up and walk away but he's got some manners.

"Okay, wait. Are you straight?" The guy asks with wide eyes and Harry can't help but smile. 

"No I'm not." He stays quiet and then. "And yes, you may buy me a drink. "The man smiles and holds out a hand. "Travis." He says and Harry takes his hand."Harry."The man buys him some kind of fruity cocktail which looks very expensive and they talk about everything. The man is nice. Turns out his friends kind of forced him to come tonight as well. His an artist and when he asks Harry if he could maybe draw him sometime, because he's really beautiful, Harry can feel his face get hot.Harry feels tipsy at the end of the night and the man is suddenly really close to him and he comprehends lips on his and a hand in his curls and he kisses back, a hand on the man's neck. Travis leads him towards the bathroom and pushes Harry into one of the stalls.

"You're sinfully beautiful." He says and Harry closes his eyes tightly as the man kisses down his neck, biting down on his pulse point.

He sees blue.

Blue eyes and blue marks and a blue Mercedes and a blue sky with stars. He feels blue. All around him."I feel sick." He says and Travis pulls away, concern all over his face.

"Are you nauseous? Do you want me to take you home."Harry nods. 

"Please. I really want to go home."Travis nods and places a kiss on Harry's forehead. He takes Harry's hand and leads them out of the club. Harry sends a text to Niall to let him know that he's going home and that he'll leave the key under the matt.It's a short trip to their building and when they stop in front of the building the man gets out and opens the passenger door for Harry. Harry smiles and takes the hand he's offered.

"Are you okay? Should I go in with you." Harry shakes his head with a smile and takes out his phone, handing it to Travis.

"Put your number in." Harry says and waits for him. When Travis is done he gives Harry phone back and leans in, putting a hand on Harry jaw. He kisses him slowly and gently, but Harry pulls away after a few seconds. 

"Thanks for everything." He says and then he's walking towards the building. It's quiet, because most of the people are out and the rest are asleep. It's late. Almost 2:30 am. Well, it's early.Harry walks up the stairs, never liked the idea of an elevator. When he gets to their floor he takes the key out of his pocket and looks up.

Harry can hear nothing.

He can only hear his heartbeat slowing down and then suddenly speed up. Speed up so much he thinks he might faint. He didn't realise he's stopped walking. He's standing still, key in hand, looking at the form sitting in front of their flat. Harry shuts his eyes and then opens them again, blinking multiple times and then he's staring into blueblueblue eyes.Harry' not that drunk. Has had enough dreams and enough real experiences to know the difference. Then the body is standing up and Harry's walking again. They're both walking and Harry feels tears drip down his cheeks and he feels like running down the hall but he's scared he might trip over his own feet, feels a bit dizzy.And then there's arms around his middle and Harry releases a loud sob. Tiny hands are in his hair and there are lips in his neck.Harry pulls back and cups a pale face in his hands, dark circles under his eyes and stubble dusting his jaw. He's thin and he looks tired. His eyes are red rimmed.He's breathtaking.

"Fuck, Louis." 

And there it is. Feels like someone punched him in his stomach, because after two years, the name still slips off his tongue like it's made a home there.Louis. Lou. His Louis is here.Sadness is replaced with love, love is replaced with concern, because Louis looks sad and so sick.But every emotion is replaced with anger, because he left. Louis left without a single word and now he's in front of Harry's flat two years later. Louis left and now he's back.

"What are you doing here?" He knows his voice is cold and Louis'eyes are full of tears and he's tryig to avoid Harry's eyes. This is the side of Louis that he keeps just for Harry. The scared, fragile side.Louis finally finally looks up and Harry really needs to sit down.Louis looks at him. Eyes scannig his face. His lips, his cheeks, his neck and then Louis freezes. Keeps his eyes on Harry's neck and Harry closes his eyes, he knows Louis can see the mark Travis left.

"I'm sorry." Harry opens his eyes. See Louis walking back to his flat and Harry follows him. "I shouldn't have come. I'm gonna go." Louis takes his bag and Harry frowns grabbing Louis by the arm. He shakes his head continuously, probably looks a little crazy.

"No Louis, it's almost 3 In the morning. And it's cold outside. Come in."Louis looks down. 

"No Harry I can't expect you-"

"Lou." Louis looks up at the nickname. Harry swallows. "Please. I want you here."

"Really?" Louis asks carefully and Harry nods."More than anything. Come inside. Please." He sounds desperate and pretty pathetic. But it's okay, because Louis is here.Louis nods and Harry turns around, unlocking the door with shaky fingers and he at least remembers to put the key under the doormat. Louis walks in and he looks so small, so unsure of himself and Harry just wants to hold him again.

"How was your flight?" Harry tries to be casual, he really does, but his voice comes out soft and still a little shaky. Louis shrugs. "It was okay. Long."

"You're probably really tired. We only have two rooms-"Louis interrupts him with a shake of his head. "I can just get a hotel, Harry."

"No. No, Louis. Just. I can sleep on the couch and you can take my bed."Louis frowns. Yup there he is. Stubborn as always. 

"I'm not taking your bed. I'll sleep on the couch, it's fine." Louis pauses and looks around the flat. "Where's Niall?" He asks softly and Harry almost starts crying again.He has some pride though. 

"Still at the club." Louis smiles at that. 

"Of course he is."Harry smiles and when he looks at Louis, he's staring.

"You look good." Harry hates small talk. "Haven't changed a bit." Louis says.

"Well, after two years I'm surprised you remember that much."Louis' face falls and before he says anything Harry walks to the kitchen. 

"Tea?"

"Harry I really." Louis' voice cracks and Harry feels his stomach turn. "I really want to talk."Harry loses it then. Storms from the kitchen to the living room. His eyes are stinging with tears and he feels hot all over."Oh really? You want to talk? Well Louis, I've wanted to talk for two years. No! You know what, I didn't even want to talk. I just wanted to see you. Now suddenly you want to talk and I've just got to be fine with it?" 

He's pretty sure Louis' couldn't even hear everything, because Harry's crying that hard.There's tears slipping down Louis' face too, but he's always been better at hiding his feelings than Harry even though he had it much worse than Harry."I'm sorry, Haz. Maybe I should go yeah?" Harry breathes out a laugh.

"Yeah, you're an expert at leaving."The door opens then and they both look over at the same time. Nicolas standing at the door, eyes wide and he's staring at Louis. Then he looks over at Harry.

"Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit." And then. "Louis, you bastard!" He storms over to Louis and throws his arms around him. 'I missed you you fucker!" Louis smiles and hugs him back just as tight and why isn't Louis hugging him like that right now?

"I missed you too, Nailer. Bored out of me mind without you, I'm telling you." Niall runs his eyes over Louis. "You bastard. Look at you all successful. Man, how long are you staying?"Louis looks at Harry then. 

"Actually, Ni. I think I'm gonna book into a hotel."

"Bullshit!" NiNiall exclaims. "You can sleep here. You're welcome to stay here."Louis keeps looking at Harry and Harry nods slowly. 

"Yeah." He mutters and then he turns around, walks to his room and shuts the door.

***

Harry can't sleep. Which isn't an uncommon event, of course. But tonight it's not because Louis is halfway across the world, it's because he's in Harry flat, sleeping on the couch.

It's 4:30.

There's a knock on his door and Harry instantly sits up. Then Louis is walking into his room, standing awkwardly in front of his bed. 

"Good morning." Looks whispers and Harry gives a small nod.

"Hi."

"I just wanted to know if you're going to the bakery today?"Harry nods again. "May I go with please?" Louis asks and Harry sighs, runs a hand through his curls.

"Yeah. Angie would love to see you."Louis smiles at the mention of her name. 

"How is she?" He asks and Harry looks down at his hands, then looks back up at Louis.

"Come here." Harry whispers and Louis sighs. Almost relieved and he crawls onto Harry's bed. Every memory of everything that's happened on this bed since he was nineteen goes through Harry's head.Every late night just admiring each other, every late phone call, every whisper, every laugh, every night getting drunk on cheap champagne.Harry know Louis is thinking the exact same thing. Can tell by his smile and the way he's looking around the room, but his eyes land on Harry's face and he leans forward, placing a kiss on Harry's forehead.

"I'm so sorry, Haz. I'm sorry I left. I missed you so much, you need to know that. I tried, Harry. I tried to move on but I couldn't."

"It's okay."

"But it's not." Louis says.Harry stays quiet for a few seconds. "I missed you too." He says softly.

"How's your job? How are you? What have you been up to?"Harry wants to tell him that he doesn't write anymore. Can't. He doesn't sleep anymore. He can't. He doesn't eat that much, but it looks like Louis is struggling with that too.

"My job's great." Harry answers. "And I'm good." That's a lie. "Haven't really been up to much."

Louis nods. "And you seeing anyone?" His voice is barely audible, but Harry can hear him. Can her every word and laugh and breath and whimper that ever leaves Louis' mouth."No. You?"Louis shakes his head. 

"I did try once, but it just didn't feel right.

"Why not? Harry wants know. Why couldn't Louis move on. Because he loves harry? But you don't leave someone you love. You don't hurt someone you love, for fuck's sake. 

They talk until 6:30 and then they get ready. Harry waits for Louis on the couch and Niall walks into the living room with a bowl of cereal."Good morning." He greets and Harry smiles a little.

"Hey, Ni."Niall looks down the hall and then a it's down next to Harry.

"How you feeling about this?" Harry shrugs. 

"I don't know. I missed him so much that it literally almost killed me and now he's here. It's just that easy."

"It's always been that easy with the two of you. Dream team since you were sixteen mate."Harry breathes out a laugh. He wants to cry and laugh and scream. That was easy. Was so easy being with Louis. But it was also easy for Louis to throw it all away.

Louis comes in and Harry breath catches. Louis' always been someone to make head turns and even though he's become really thin, now that he left the dark circles around his eyes are gone and his skin is sun kissed and he's wearing a navy jumper with skinny jeans. Vans without socks of course.Harry can see the 'It is what it is' tattoo on his collarbones peaking out and Harry r embers everything. Was only left with memories for two years.

They were whispering and Louis' jaw was a yellow purple colour, finger marks on his bicep and his ribs blue."Lou." Harry had breathed out. "What is this?" He gently ran his fingers over Louis' ribs. It was 4am when Louis showed up at Harry's childhood home. Harry was sixteen and Louis was eighteen, his last year in high school, but he promised Harry he would study in London so they'd be closer.

Louis gave a watery smile. "It is what it is, Harry."Harry knew what is was. Knew it was Louis' father. Because nothing Louis did was ever okay with him.Harry had kissed him, tried to ignore touching his jaw and kissed him gently. Soft lips and he tried to put every emotion he had at that moment into that kiss. Rage, sorrow, agony, but most of all love. Always love with Louis.Louis had gotten the tattoo not even a year later. 

"Harry?" Harry looks over at Niall and realises he's just been staring at Louis the whole time.Louis' smirking a bit and Harry gets up then. "Okay. Ready to go." Louis nods and Harry quickly walks to the door, taking deep breaths. He tries not to think about the way Louis' hair is falling softly onto his forehead and how long it's gotten. But it's hard to stop thinking about it when Louis is right there.They walk down the street in comfortable silence, Louis looking around with a smile.

"I missed London."

London missed you.

"Yeah, although I'm sure New York is great." Harry answers and Louis shakes his head. "It's not the same." He says. The snow doesn't look the same and the people don't talk to you in the streets. Yeah, it's good for a while, but I miss it here." He looks at Harry. "Miss the people."Harry clears his throat and breaks eye contact. He can see the bakery down the street. 

"How long are you going to be here then?"Louis shrugs. 

"I don't know. It was kind of a spur of the moment type of thing to come here." He admits.

"And Zayn? How's he?" 

"He's great, Harry. But I think Liam might ask him to marry him soon and then they'll probably move back here. An owner of an art gallery in Stratford offered to help Zayn and the London Bridge Hospital is only about 15 minutes away so Liam can work there."

Harry feels warm all over. Finally. Liam and Zany might be getting married after four fucking years. It's amazing.

"Zayn said they might come over soon and they want to talk to you and Niall about being at the wedding. Zayn misses you lads. I kinda fucked it up for everyone, didn't I?"Harry shakes his head. 

"No, Lou. You didn't. You did what you needed to."

"What I thought I needed to do. Coming here, that's what I really needed."They stop in front of the bakery and Louis smiles at Harry. "You go in first."

Harry takes a deep breath and pushes the door open and suddenly he's seventeen again, a giggly Louis behind him, trying to surprise Angie. Harry walks straight to the kitchen and Louis follows. Harry's hands are itching to reach out and touch him, take his hand.When Annie turns around she drops the cloth I her hands and then she's crying, pulling Louis into a hug and crying into his jumper.Harry can tell Louis is crying too, it's become so easy to read Louis.

"Louis. My dear. Look at you. You're so thin." She says and they both wipe at their eyes. "Come sit, both of you. I'll bring some cake or something." They go sit at the table next to the back door, like they usually did.

"She looks lovely. How's Gavin?" Louis asks and he's still a bit teary eyed.Harry looks down at the table. They're sitting next to each other, they're thighs and arms touching

."Gavin died last year, actually. From a heart attack." Harry looks over and Louis' frowning at him. 

"And I wasn't even here for her. Why didn't you let me know, Harry?" 

Harry breathes out a bitter laugh. "I didn't exactly have your fucking number, Louis." Angie comes back then with a slice of cake and two little forks.

"It's red velvet, fresh out of the oven."

"Angie." Louis takes her small hands between his own when she sits down across from them. "I'm so sorry about Gavin. And I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

Angie gives him a soft smile. "It's okay, Louis. I'm just glad to see my two boys together again. When did you arrive?"

"Actually this morning at about one." Louis answers and Harry turns to look at him.

"You sat there for an hour and a half?" He asks and Louis nods. 

"Yeah."Harry places a hand on Louis' knee. "Lou, I'm sorry, I can't believe you had to wait that long."

Louis laughs. "Harry, you didn't even know I was coming, it's fine. I'm here now."Harry nods and he moves his hand from Louis' leg but Louis catches it with his own hand, intertwining their fingers and resting their hands on his leg. Harry looks down at their hands. Missed the way Louis' smaller hands fit in his own. He looks up and smiles."Yeah. You're here now."

When they look at Angie she's crying again, but a smile is on her face. "We missed you Louis. What have you been up to, love?"

"I'm still a real estate agent." He answers but then he looks between the two of them with a soft smile, squeezes Harry's hand in his own. "But I started studying drama in my spare time. Still have a year left, but then I want to become a drama teacher."Angie and Harry gives him a blinding smile, Harry's first real smile in quite some time.

"You've always wanted to do that. I'm so happy for you, Lou." Harry says and Louis nods.

"Always wanted to yeah, and now I can. I'm paying for meself and I'm really happy. Started two years ago." He looks at Harry. "Wanted to get my life together before coming back here."

"So are you staying then?" Angie asks and Louis smiles, looks down at the table.

"I'm definitely thinking about coming back here next year after I have my degree. Zayn and Liam are moving back too." He says and Harry can feel tears burning his eyes. Louis' thinking about coming back. Now two years seems so short, because it only took two years for Louis to decide that he doesn't like New York all that much.

"You're coming back?" Harry asks and Louis gives him a soft smile. 

"Sure am, Curly, I'm thinking about it."Harry's stomach turns at the nickname. He still gets butterflies every time Louis even acknowledges his existence.

Harry sighs. It sound relieved, like he's been keeping it in for a very long time. Maybe even two years.They eat their cake with Angie on the other side of the table and they talk about anything. 

About everything.

They talk about the memories In the bakery.When Harry and Louis broke the windows in the back and hid it from Angie for almost 3 years.When Zayn and Louis tried smoking for the first time at the exact table they are sitting at and Harry set off the smoke detector and they all got soaking wet. Zayn was pissed off but Louis threw his head back and laughed, chasing Harry around the shop. When he reached him he pinned him up against the wall and kisses him.

Louis makes jokes and even though Harry is still mad, he's also really happy Louis is back. He laughs at everything Louis says, could never help himself and Louis keeps squeezing his hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing Harry's knuckles when Angie stands up to make some more tea for them.

Before they leave Angie gives them both a hug."Promise you'll come back tomorrow?" She says and Louis nods, kissing her cheek. He takes Harry's hand again and for the first time he doesn't let go, holds his hand even when they walk out of the kitchen and out of the shop.

"She looks great. I just can't believe Gavin is gone." Louis says and Harry nods.

"She went through a rough patch but she got through it. She knows he had a good life."Louis smiles and looks at Harry. 

"Remember we always tried to get his nails clean, because he worked with the cars."Harry laughs. 

"Yeah, I remember." Harry looks down at their hands again."

So, Lou, sorry to bring this up, but have you like-" Harry swallows. "Are you out now?"Louis nods. 

"Yeah, Haz. I came out about a year ago. But I haven't really been with a guy, except you know."

Harry. Except for Harry.

"Maybe like a drunken kiss here and there but that's it."Harry smiles at him. 

"I'm really proud of you. He says. "So you're quitting your job then?"

"Not right now of course, but when I'm done studying I'm definitely going to quit. And then maybe move here and start over." Louis looks a bit hesitant and then stops walking, turning Harry to look at him."Would you be okay with that? Me moving here, I mean."

Harry nods, pulls Louis closer so they're almost chest to chest."Yes, Fuck Lou. Of course I'd be okay with that. I'd want that more than anything."Louis smiles. 

"Okay then."

***

When they get home Niall's watching cartoons and Louis runs towards the couch, jumping into Niall's lap and messing up his hair.

"Fuck, Louis get off!" Louis laughs and just continues to annoy him.Fucking twenty seven years old and he's still behaving like a five year old.When he finally stops he keeps sitting on Niall's lap running his fingers through his hair absent minded, watching Spongebob on the telly. Harry walks to the kitchen to order some pizza. 

"Why's the volume so low?" He asks.

"Ms. Robertson." Is all Niall says and Louis laughs.

"She's still alive? Fuck. She just always wanted to call the police whenever I was over." 

Harry laughs and brings the menus to the living room. "Well you and Zayn brought weed into the flat once and fireworks and actual fire. So yeah, the police sounds about right."

Niall looks away from the television. "How's Zayn?" He asks and Louis smiles down at him."He's good. He's coming here soon to talk to you and Harry about their wedding."

Niall smiles. "Liam mentioned something like that. I miss Zayn. Can't wait to see him."Harry frowns. "Was I the only one that didn't know then?"

Louis shakes his head. "I didn't know either. I overheard Liam talking to his mum on the phone."

"I think Liam didn't want to like, I don't know, didn't want to tell you guys, because he maybe" Niall hesitates. "Felt bad?"

Louis nods. "That's what Zayn said as well."

Harry frowns deeper. "I don't get it."

"Zayn says Liam thought it would hurt us." Louis says softly and Harry understands. Because it's always been Louis and Harry. They were the power couple of the group. They brought Zayn and Liam together. Everyone thought they would get married first.Harry understands. And he appreciates it. Because even though he would never admit it out loud, it would've hurt a little.

They sit in silence for a few minutes until Niall's stomach gives a loud growl and they burst out laughing. 

"Think we should order some pizza, then. On me." Louis says, but Harry shakes his head.

"No, you're our guest, Lou."Louis laughs. "Pretty sure I've been in this flat way too many times to still be a guest." He smiles softly at Harry. 

"Please Harry, I want to."Harry sometimes forgets that Louis really makes a lot of money, even as young as he is, he's pretty well off.Harry gives in and nods. 

"Yeah okay, but just this once. That's it."Louis rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.

"Yes, mum."

***

They eat pizza and they laugh and they play kareoke and they sing Justin Bieber songs with Niall. For a few hours everything feels okay. It feels like Louis never left, but he did. Harry keeps reminding himself that Louis left.When Niall says goodnight and walks back to his room, Louis looks at Harry. 

"Wine?" He asks and Harry can hear the hesitation in his voice, can see him begging Harry with his eyes.

"Yeah, sure." 

"You not too tired?" Louis asks and Harry almost laughs. It wouldn't really matter if he was tired, he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

"No, Louis." Louis smiles and gets up from the couch, grabbing to glasses and pouring them both a glass."So which song next?" Louis asks and Harry smirks and pretends to think about it.

"Surprise me." He says and takes a sip from his wine.Louis scrolls through the list of sogs and then smiles wide. 

"What about Hey There Delilah? "Harry watches Louis carefully and then shrugs. 

"If you want to." Louis starts the song and he sings along to the words. He whistles in between when it's instrumental and Harry giggles, drunk from cheap wine that Harry won at some festival and Louis is dancing around the room, ends up across from Harry.

"Oh, it's what you do to me." Harry sings with him and Louis laughs keeps singing as he leans forward, Harry can feel Louis' breath on his lips."Oh it's what you do to me." Louis whispers and then there's knock on the door.Louis sighs and gets up, pausing the song. He opens the door and bursts out in laughter when he sees Ms. Robertson at the front door. Harry leaps up and walks to the door.

"Louis Tomlinson?" There's cigarette between her lips and Louis nods. 

"Yeah."She takes a drag from her cigarette and looks him up and down, but the shr smiles.

"Thank the Lord." Harry frowns. "Was getting a bit boring here. And this one!" She points to Harry with her cigarette. Harry looks at the ground with a shy smile. "He was miserable!" Harry feels a gentle hand on his back. 

"Well I was miserable too, Ms. Robertson. Missed Curly over here."Harry looks up and smiles at her. "Care to come in? I'll make tea." She shrugs.

"Might as well. My life isn't getting any longer."

Louis laughs. "I actually quite like you." He tells her and she nods. 

"Want to come join me out on the terrace for one." She holds up her cigarette and Louis nods. "Sure." They walk out to the balcony and Louis gives a soft smile to Harry before dissapearing around the corner.Harry prepares some tea. Think about how easy all of this is. How easy it is to fall back in love with Louis. Not that he was ever out of love. When he's done he goes outside, handing a cup of tea to Ms. Robertson and one cup to Louis. Louis is giggling at something Ms. Robertson says and frowns at Harry.

"You didn't want tea?" Louis asks and Harry smiles, moving to sit behind Louis and pull him into his chest, resting his chin on Louis' shoulder.

"I'll just steal some of yours."Louis look at him hesitantly and then leans back into his arms. "Of couse." He breathes out and Harry realises this is the first time he inisiated physical contact. He didn't really realise it, but it just comes so naturally to him, to always want to be close to Louis.

"So do you still live around here?" Ms. Roberston asks and Louis shakes his head, takes a drag from his own cigarette.

"No, I moved to the US two years ago. I live in New York, but I'm thinkig about coming back."

"New York." She breathes out. "That's where I met my husband you know. We were working at the same pub when I was 20. He was a bartender and I was a showgirl." Louis snorts and Ms. Robertson pushes him a bit. "Not that kind of showgirl Louis! We just danced. With our clothes on." Louis giggles and fits is hands over Harry's own his stomach. He draws patterns into his skin and makes circles over Harry's rings.

"Do you have any kids?" Louis asks and Ms. Robertson shakes her head.

"My husband died when i was about 27. I didn't want to marry someone else."Louis frowns. 

"Don't you get lonely?" 

She shakes her head. "You'll realise someday kid, everything on this earth is temporary and oneday I'll see him again, eternally. Some things are just worth waiting for."

Harry nods. "They are." He says and Ms. Robertson just lifts her cup at him. 

"You were always a bit more mature Harry. I always though it's because you talk to Angie all day long, but now I come to see it's because you have a better understanding of things." She takes another sip of her tea. "When you were about ninteen, you came outside to get your mail and told me that I looked nice. Do you remember?"Harry laughs and nods. "I remember."

"Always been a charmer." Louis says.

"But it wasn't that. You asked me who I was dressed up for and i told you I was dressed up for me husband. You know, you just smiled and you told me that you believe that we only get one chance with love, as a reward for the pain we have to go through here, but it's enough because it's so breathtaking." Harry remembers that day. 

Louis was up in the flat. Sleeping with the sheets thrown over his hips and the sun dancing on every part of his skin. Every tattoo and every rib, every mark on his neck, every eyelash.

"Yes, I did."

"I didn't understand how someone at that age could think like that. I thought he was just talking nonsense. But when you left I knew he understood what he was talking about. Now I see it too."

When Ms. Roberston leaves at two am, Louis and Harry just look at each other."I'm sorry I ruined it, Harry." Louis whispers. "I'm sorry I ruined us."

Harry closes his eys, swallows the lump in his throat. "Will you sleep with me tonight?" He asks, but he isn't looking at Louis, tries to avoid his eyes.He feels a hand in his jaw. 

"Yes, please." Louis breathes back and Harry nods once, looking at Louis then.They walk to Harry's room, Harry grabbing some pyjamas for him and walking into the bathroom to get dressed. It's cold when he takes off his shirt, but he looks at his own reflection in the mirror.He's never liked his body all that much. He's tall and his limbs are awkward. When he was younger he used to trip over his own feet and over nothing at all.But he likes his tattoos. Has always liked the way it's permanent. Ms. Roberston says everything is temporary, but not tattoos. He traces a finger over the butterfly on his stomach and traces the swallows on his chest. Him and Louis. That was their dream. To be as free as swallows, travel the world.Louis travelled alone.The ship on his arm, the rose, the star, the faint little 'L'.

"Harry? You done?"Harry takes a deep breath, pulling his shirt over his head and walking out of the bathroom. Louis' already on his side of the bed, the white duvet a perfect contrast to his skin.

"It's fucking cold." Louis says and buries himself deeper into the bed.Harry gets into bed on his side and turns on his side to look at Louis. Louis smiles and moves a little closer to Harry, almost on the same pillow now.Harry turns off the lights and suddenly they're developed in darkness. The only light coming into the room is the streetlights and the moon.

"You still have the fairy lights?" Louis whispers and Harry nods, can still see Louis' eyes even in the dark. Louis reaches out and runs gentle fingers from Harry's eyebrows to his nose all the way to his jaw and over his lips. 

"Harry." He whispers. "I know you and I have never been for sentimental bullshit. But I've met so many new people these two years and you're still the most beautiful boy I've ever seen."

Harry smiles. "I'm not a boy anymore." Louis laughs and runs a hand through Harry's hair, curling it around his fingers. "You'll always be my baby, Haz."

Harry giggles and moves closer to Louis, sharing the same pillow and intertwining their legs."This is much better than the couch you brought at a yard sale. No offence." Louis giggles and Harry laughs with him.They stay quiet then. Only looking at each other. Admiring, absorbing everything they've missed for two years. 

"Lou. I want to take you to see your family. I miss them." Harry says and Louis places a hand on Harry's waist, sliding his hand up and down Harry's side. Then he nods.

"Yeah, sure. But only if we go see you family first. And if Gemma is there." Harry laughs.

"Yeah okay, I'll let them know tomorrow."Louis runs his hand over Harry's neck and onto his chest, resting his hand there."Is your mum mad?" Louis asks. She was angry, not just because Louis left Harry, but because Louis left them as well. Harry's family knew about them being together and they loved Louis. Hell, Louis was Gemma's best friend. But she understood, tried to explain it to Harry like he was a six year old, even though he was 23. She said that Harry needed to let Louis go find himself, because you can't make someone happy when you're not happy yourself. Harry wanted to scream about how happy Louis made him, but he tried to stay quiet. Tried to understand.And after a while he did. Because Louis was lost. He could never find himself without his father being there to hit him and throw him around to prove how wrong all of Louis'decisions was.

"No she isn't mad, Lou. She misses you."Louis sighs, 

"Before we go though, you need to know that my dad left my mum when he found out I was gay about two years ago. I told them and I also told them about us. My mum and my sisters expected it, but he was so fucking mad Harry." His voice cracks and Harry throws an arms around is middle, pulling him in closer so every part of them touches. 

"Lou. It's not your fault . He's so full of bullshit, Louis. He always has been. It's not your fault."

Louis nods. "I know. My mum told me she's proud of me and that they have had lots of problems even before I came out. I guess I just gave him a reason to leave."Harry places a kiss in Louis' hair. 

"No Louis. They weren't happy."

Louis nods. "She's engaged to a guy named Dan now. I haven't met him, but Lottie says he's so good to them. They miss you so much Harry. I can't believe I was so selfish." Harry places kisses all over his face. 

"Lou. Look at me."Louis looks up and Harry's heart breaks at how sad he looks. "People make mistakes, Louis. But that's okay. Because in the process you realise who the people are that really loves you. It's the ones that give you a second chance."

"You said you only get one chance at love, Harry. What if I blew it for us?"Harry smiles, places a kiss on his forehead. 

"Maybe there's exceptions. Or maybe I was wrong, Lou.""

I never stopped loving you though." Louis says and Harry puts a hand on his jaw, lifting his chin so he can look at him and then he leans forward. 

It's the first time in two years that he kisses Louis. 

The first time in two years that Louis straddles him, opens his mouth miss his tongue. Always wants to be in control. 

The first time in two years he kisses down Harry's neck, bites down on his collarbone.

It's the first time in two years that Louis sees all of Harry's tattoos. Spends a good twenty minutes kissing the skin and leaving temporary tattoos with his mouth. 

It's the first time in two years Harry gets to see Louis' tattoos and he laughs at how ridiculous some of them are.

It's the first time Louis opens him up slowly and makes Harry arch his back.

It's the first time in two years that Harry is happy. 

The first time he sleeps for about 7 hours straight and only wakes up late the next morning.He opens his eyes slowly, squinting against the light streaming in through the curtains.He smiles.Hears humming from the kitchen and Niall laughing loudly as something falls to the ground. Sounds like a pot or a pan. 

Harry stands up and grabs his briefs and his pyjama pants, shaking out his curls.When he gets to the kitchen he laughs at the flour in Louis' hair and the eggs on the ground. Niall's on the ground laughing and Louis turns around, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Harry, no!" That makes Niall laugh even louder. "You're ruining it." He walks up to Harry and pushes against his chest. "Back to bed!" He demands. "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed."

Harry laughs. "Well it looks like you're doing a splendid job, but may I help you before you burn down the flat?"Louis sighs. 

"I guess that would be a good idea, since I just got onto Ms. Robertson's good side."Harry laughs and pulls Louis closer to him, placing a kiss on his cheek.Louis pulls him in for a proper kiss, a hand in Harry's curls.

Harry helps Niall get off the floor and he's still giggling."Forgot that Louis couldn't cook for shit?" Harry asks and Louis turns around, hand on his hip.

"Hey!" Niall laughs. "It's still funny to see him try." He leans in to whisper to Harry. "I'm glad you got some sleep." He says sincerely and Harry smiles, looks over at Louis.

"Me too."


End file.
